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When a child needs something badly, he is ready to go to victory in order to achieve what he wants. It uses various methods of influencing the parent. The most common are: tears, tantrums, outbursts of aggression, and even children like to starve. When they turn on their barrel organ — “Well, please, please, please. Maaaam, maaaam, maaaaaaaaa, please. 🤦 It is very difficult to resist such an onslaught. What do we do most often? Let’s go on about. As a result, the child has another victory over his parents in his piggy bank. It may seem to you that it is very rude to perceive a relationship as a confrontation between a parent and a child, as in a war, who — who, but in fact it turns out.
The reasons.
1. We are not assertive in our actions. We ourselves give up. An example from recent events: the girls and I have a game “Who will fall asleep faster”. According to our agreement, whoever falls asleep first will receive a surprise the next day. So I try to motivate them to sleep. To not «stand on the ears», as is usually the case. The last time we agreed, but no one thought to keep silence. Once she made a remark, two made a remark, the third was a control. Warned about the consequences of «stop the game!» If you don’t get it, get what you deserve. The whining began: — «Well, mommy, please, well, for the very last time, please.» And this went on for about twenty minutes without a break (not exaggerating). I decided to stand firm on my intention to cancel the game.
2. A parent’s sense of responsibility undermines the child’s independence and responsibility. The child learns to rely on the parent. In my case, I reap the fruits of my mistakes. You can say as much as you like “pack your backpack, clean the bed, wash your hands, change clothes”, etc. How do I perceive the situation: “well, this is a child, so she has some ideas of her own why she does not obey and does not want to do it, What I am saying. Now there is little time, so I will do it myself, and next time I will definitely force her. My next thoughts at this moment: “Well, how can a child go without books?”, “But did she put everything that was needed?”
Or, for example, she refuses to have breakfast at home, she doesn’t like what is cooked: “What if she goes to school hungry and watches how all the kids eat something at recess? This is cruel to her, I can’t let that happen!»
What happens in reality: each time the same thing is repeated, the reaction of the child remains the same, despite the explanatory conversations.
Exit: let the child feel the consequences of his negligence. If you haven’t packed your backpack, it’s okay, go with an empty one. If you don’t hang up your uniform, go mint. If you don’t want to eat at home, eat at school. Don’t eat at school — your problems.💃
You might think that I deviated from the main topic, but no. It’s about manipulation. «I don’t like eating it — I won’t.» What’s going on in my head? Although I say if you don’t want to, don’t eat, on the other hand, I worry that the child may go hungry to school. So I start thinking about other options in my head. Isn’t this a reaction to manipulating a child?
Conclusion: the child allows himself to behave as his parents allow him. Only our firm belief in our rightness and perseverance can change the situation.
On the other hand, we can look for a thousand excuses for our child, but then the question is: “What will happen next?”
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