Children’s lies are by no means such a rare occurrence. However, he also has his reasons. First of all, you should always be aware that an attempt to lie is a child’s silent request for understanding, help and support.
What is a child’s lie
Adults, as scientists have found out, on average lie to each other about 88 thousand times in a lifetime. What can we say about children who learn from their parents or do not understand what is good and what is bad?
Conventionally, children’s lies can be divided into several types.
- Justified deception. The child lies if, in some specific circumstances, the best way out is to tell a lie.
- Lies for good. The child lies in order to improve the psychological situation in the team, so as not to upset the person or provide positive emotions.
- scam. The child lies for selfish purposes.
- Boasting. The child simply exaggerates and exaggerates. As a rule, boasting accompanies several topics: social status, financial opportunities, self-importance.
Separately, as a kind of lie, fantasies can be distinguished. The child can talk about situations that did not exist, about people with whom he is not familiar. Fantasies are harmless and up to the younger preschool age are considered absolutely harmless. On the contrary, sometimes they even develop imaginative thinking and imagination in the baby.
Why is it so important to separate lies by type? The fact is that justified deception is a child’s defensive reaction to hostile situations, events, circumstances. This is how the instinct of self-preservation works. A lie for the good also cannot be called something negative, because it does not carry malicious intent in itself. This means that the child should not be scolded. However, it is better to discuss these points with him so that the desire to lie does not turn into a habit.
The main reasons for children’s lies
For any lie, there is always a whole range of reasons. The child himself cannot always understand why he lied in this or that case. Therefore, moms and dads will have to find out for themselves what prompted the baby to tell a lie.
Most often, a child lies because:
- Parents place high expectations and demands on him. Very often, moms and dads raise the bar for their children so high that they have no choice but to lie (for example, when instead of a five they got a three). The child does not want to disappoint his parents, who in their dreams have almost raised him to the podium;
- a crisis of confidence has set in between the child and his loved ones. This is not only about parents, but also about all the people who are close to the child: relatives, friends;
- The child is brought up too strictly. That is why the child lies in order to protect himself: he knows that for any mistake, oversight, misconduct, a significant punishment will follow;
- the child appreciates, loves his loved ones and values them very much. It sounds paradoxical, but it’s true. If mom regularly grabs her heart because of broken cups, and dad constantly repeats that the child will bring him to the grave, then it is not surprising that the child is lying. He just wants to maintain a stable psycho-emotional state of his parents;
- protection of personal space. Closer to the age of puberty (11-13 years old), teenagers know how to lie masterfully. And they don’t have a choice! They just want to have their own secrets and secrets — and this is completely normal. What else to answer to a mother who is interested in what you write there in your diary? It is easier to lie so as not to be shamed, humiliated and violate personal boundaries.
What to do if the child is lying
The first rule, which must never, ever be broken, is that physical force must not be used to combat deception. Punishments of this kind will not only have no pedagogical impact, but will destroy the child’s trust forever. And they can also cause childhood depression, stress, neurosis, anxiety disorders.
To combat lies, you can take note of several proven methods.
- Find out the cause and then fix it. You can talk to the child in person, or you can watch him from the side. For example, if there is a crisis of trust at the heart of the deceit, then it should be overcome. Perhaps with the help of a psychologist. It is also worth working with a psychologist if the child lies regularly for personal gain.
- Make a written contract. This cunning maneuver will help the baby realize the gravity of the situation. Promise your child a reward for complying with the rules of the contract, and hang the document in a conspicuous place.
- Stop demonizing lies. Yes, there is little pleasant in it, but deception is a natural protective function if it is not chronic. Remember how much you yourself are hiding — and this is also a kind of deception.
- If the childish deception comes to light during some conversation, just laugh at the situation together. Do not dramatize, just talk to your child and try to give him examples from life when a lie turned into a complete fiasco.
The most important thing is to make it clear to the child that he is loved and accepted by anyone. When he understands this, he will no longer need to lie.