“Mom, dad, this is Polina. Can she sleep with us tonight?”
Not every parent expects to hear a similar question from their teenage child. How to react when a child literally forces parents to temporarily share the neighborhood with his soulmate?
Useful recommendations will help not to complicate the relationship and get out of the situation with dignity.
Smile and hospitality
Try to be smiling. Establish a warm relationship with the other half of your child — this is how you will gain a new friend, support and become a real authority for your child, who, even in the most difficult situation, will come to you for advice.
At the same time, it doesn’t matter at all whether this romance is short-term or in the future it will develop into a serious strong relationship. The main thing is to ensure overall mental comfort, even if this requires a little room for one or two nights.
Give the guest a clean towel and bed linen, tell where the soap is and where there is a jug of drinking water. Set reasonable limits for refrigerator use. Talk about neutral topics: immediate plans, hobbies, interests. You should not fawn, it is enough to show interest in the guest or guest and show your hospitality.
Contact with parents
Before allowing your child’s girlfriend or boyfriend to stay overnight, it’s a good idea to contact the guest’s parents first.
All families have a completely different approach to parenting. Perhaps your child’s crush mom and dad are against having him/her stay overnight with their «romantic interest». What if the guest or guest lied about «staying with a friend»? In this case, the «inviting» party has the right to refuse his child and his half in such a pastime.
Such an approach will help avoid misunderstandings, allow you to take control of the situation and avoid vain accusations of pandering to teenage conspirators.
Of course, parents can allow their child’s partner to stay without any contact with other people’s moms and dads. But in this case, it is worth remembering that the responsibility for such a decision will lie with you.
Setting boundaries and rules
My home is my castle. Therefore, parents have every right to set the rules and build boundaries in their own home. And they don’t go to a foreign monastery with their charter. What does it mean?
Mom and dad of the «inviting» side can designate their territory. For example, you can’t take a bathroom for a long time, you can’t eat on the bed, turn on the radio or open the window. Cook your own breakfast? To health! Just don’t forget to clean up after yourself and wash the dishes.
If the children are old enough to invite their soul mate home, then they are old enough to take responsibility for their guests and for themselves.
Solitude: appeal to reason
A lot of parents are concerned about the topic of intimacy. When a child invites his soulmate home, someone openly opposes to such an extent that he demands to keep the door open, and someone is so relaxed that he himself gives the teenagers contraceptives and lubricants. Is there a middle ground here? Of course!
All moms and dads understand that intimacy is an important part of the life of relationships, including teenage ones. And in general, it is no secret to anyone that someone, but teenagers, really consider themselves adults who have comprehended all the wisdom of life. To get out of the situation with dignity, you must follow a few rules:
- Caution. The decision to give teens contraceptives isn’t all that bad, though. Better than worrying about early pregnancy and STDs. However, the delivery of contraceptives does not mean a direct invitation to action — this is how it should be explained to children. After all, everyone understands that even if teenagers do not do it today, they will find a place later;
- privacy violation. To minimize anxiety, you can arrange beds for teenagers in different rooms;
- open conversation. Appeal to the mind of your child in a frank conversation. In the end, intimacy is not love yet, and real intimacy lies elsewhere. Explain that you fully understand the desire of a teenager to retire with his soulmate. However, other people live in the house besides them, so there is no need to put anyone in an awkward position.
No matter how much moms and dads want to expose a complete stranger from the doorway, it is better to refrain from such actions and hasty sharp statements. Remember that a teenager in love is a rather vulnerable person. Parents may not accept his partner, but they are obliged to accept and respect the feelings of their child.
If necessary, call the helpline or contact a psychologist.