A situation familiar to many parents: you deliberately have a child, care for and cherish it, and then suddenly it appears in your life — irritation.
A child can really cause ambiguous emotions, and not all mothers and fathers are able to cope with them on their own. Someone in such a situation turns to books, but does not understand what it means to “listen carefully to the feelings of a child”, while you want to seal his mouth with adhesive tape, and what is “building boundaries”, when the son does not even listen to condition.
So what to do in a situation where your own child is annoying?
Feelings of guilt due to anger
To begin with, each parent should understand that experiencing such emotions (anger, anxiety, rage, indignation, irritation) — perfectly normal. The only question is what is behind these feelings and how a person manifests them.
First of all, do not blame yourself for this irritation. It does not mean at all that you do not love your child and that you will hand him over to an orphanage as soon as possible. The problem is much deeper than it might seem at first glance. It is enough to admit to yourself frankly: “Yes, my child annoys and infuriates me.” And after that you can think about why this is happening and what can be done about it.
The fact is that irritation is a litmus test that signals to the parent: “something is wrong”, “something needs to be changed”, “it does not suit me”.
We explain more intelligibly
One of the typical problems: I explain to my daughter for the hundred and fifth time, and she seems to be doing everything to spite me (or not doing it — also to spite). For example, every day you ask your child to leave his shoes in the shoe cabinet so that the household does not stumble over them in the corridor, but the son does not seem to hear. It is not surprising that after a thousandth time of reminders, righteous irritation is born in the parent and a monster turns on with the eternal “I asked!” or «Like peas against a wall.»
Think about it: maybe it’s not about the child at all, but about how you explain it? Call the children for a confidential conversation and explain why it is so important to put the shoes in the place allotted to them. What if an old grandmother lives at home, who can stumble and fall in the dark at night? What if your favorite dog, in a fit of play, announces a hunt for shoes?
Try to put pressure on the children’s consciousness and sort through the essence of what specifically revolts you so much.
Get rid of fatigue
In a state of fatigue and stress, even a maple leaf lying on the pavement can infuriate, not like your own child! And parental emotional burnout is generally a ubiquitous thing. Parenting really takes a lot of effort. But these forces must be taken from somewhere!
If you feel that the child drives you crazy with every remark or action, think about whether this is due to fatigue. Perhaps it is vital for you to take a bath with fragrant sea salt, take a week-long vacation from cooking, chat with “live” people, or just breathe in the fresh air in the park alone?
We distribute responsibilities
It’s no secret that the period of raising a child almost always lies entirely on the shoulders of a woman. Washing, cooking, ironing, development, cleaning — in such conditions, only a saint will not get irritated! It is connected not only with the accumulated tension, but also with misunderstanding, because sometimes dads believe that women “do nothing” at all on the decree.
What to do in such a situation? At the very least, do not take it out on the child and do not project your negative emotions onto him. But you should have a serious talk with your father: remind him that he is also one of the parents, which means that he could do half of your business. And no, the word «help» is inappropriate here, since we are talking about parental responsibilities.
The man works, but you don’t? Fine, but this does not mean that a woman does not need a break from the child with whom she is 24/7. Agree in a civilized way who will perform what duties during the week and on weekends. By the way, get your kids involved too. Let their duties include cleaning toys, setting the table, feeding the hamster, or cleaning shoes.
This too shall pass
Alas, sometimes children’s behavior is just another age-related crisis that just needs to be experienced. All of them are normal, as the child grows up, acquires new personality traits and more actively manifests his temperament. Therefore, some moms and dads will be annoyed by children’s excessive activity and irascibility, while others will be annoyed by slowness and shyness.
You can get through this period. But where to put the anger itself? Try to reflect and find the pros in what you consider to be the cons. Does your son dig all the time? Well, it’s okay: you go quieter — you will continue, attentiveness is great! The child is too restless and does not sit still at all? Not bad either: most likely, he will make many friends and be an enthusiast.
Anger at childish tantrums
And if the child is annoying due to the fact that everywhere and always starts tantrums? Enduring the crying and screaming of a child is really aerobatics, but moms and dads are by no means supermen.
You can be angry, but remember that a child’s tantrum is always a cry for help. For some reason, the child cannot express his own emotions more constructively or feels severe discomfort. Show compassion for the little man.
Put yourself in his place: now you feel annoyed, but do not roll on the floor and do not wring your hands. However, a child can also feel the same irritation, only because of his age he does not have any mechanisms that will help him cope. Comfort him and just be there in moments of whims.
It happens that tension and irritation grows to such an extent that it is not far from the explosion. Experts recommend stepping back during such periods so that the “mine” does not hurt the household.
Do you feel like you’re boiling over? Wash your face, take a cool shower, lie down on a massage mat, drink tea with milk, beat a pillow, sit in a chair in silence, turn on the recording of the sound of rain. Thus, the outburst of rage will come to naught, and later a constructive solution to the problem will come.
By the way, you can always step back in advance. For example, if you know that in the store your child will definitely throw a show tantrum in front of the chocolate stand, help yourself to avoid it. Order home delivery of groceries, go to the store without your daughter, or ask relatives to purchase the necessary.
Not always moms and dads can understand what is the cause of irritation to the child. If it’s not fatigue, feeling unwell, resentment or problems at work, then of course you need to find out what’s wrong. Sometimes it is a look from the outside that is needed, therefore, in such situations, we recommend contacting a psychologist. By the way, a child psychologist can help a child learn to express his feelings correctly.