Around the age of four, babies need to communicate with their peers. During this time period, children develop by playing role-playing games, most of which require a partner.

Often in kindergartens, playgrounds and playgrounds, you can see that some children behave quite aloofly. They do not play together with everyone and do not try to establish contacts with their peers. Is this normal and what could be the reason for this behaviour?

Norm or not?

According to the statements of child psychologists, the unwillingness to communicate in children can manifest itself in the following forms:

  • categorical refusal to interact;
  • games by their own rules outside the main children’s team;
  • observation of someone else’s game and the simultaneous refusal of joint games.

All of the above forms are considered normal options, so parents should not immediately sound the alarm. The main task of moms and dads is to start watching their child: has the baby always been not too active or has he closed up only recently?

Not every person should have many friends, therefore it cannot be ruled out that this is how a child’s character manifests itself. If the child has no desire to be in a team, do not put pressure on him and force him to do what makes him uncomfortable. This is called the communication threshold — for some children, just one friend or 20 minutes of play is enough to feel part of society.

Before concluding that there are any problems, it is necessary to talk heart to heart with the child. Perhaps it will be possible to determine the real reason for his unwillingness to communicate with peers.

Why a child may not want to communicate with peers

There are several factors due to which children prefer isolation to the group.

one. Feature of temperament. A child with a melancholic, introverted, or sensitive personality type will most often act aloof. Such children, by their nature, prefer not large companies of children, but a well-known small company or even single games.

2. parental overprotection. Overly caring mothers and fathers can cause children’s lack of independence, which leads to a decrease in sociability in general. Contacts with other children are perceived by an overprotective child as an alarming, hostile signal, because he is much more comfortable in the company of his parents or older relatives.

3. closed parents. Parents who are unsociable and isolated from society, as a rule, raise the same children. Such a model of behavior in the family is perceived by the child as optimal.

four. Uncomfortable social atmosphere. If a child is laughed at in a team, and teachers cause fear or shame in him, then the desire to refuse any interaction is quite natural.

Recommendations for successful socialization

Of course, it happens that a child does not communicate with other children, not at all because he does not want to. Sometimes in this case, parents just need to push the baby to action. How can you help your child socialize and make friends without too much pressure? Our actionable advice will come to the rescue.

Ensure stability

If the family moves every now and then, changing kindergartens or schools, then it is not surprising that the baby does not want to join the new team: the child simply does not have time to make friends, the constant change of residence for socialization is a difficult test. Try to make sure that the team in which your son or daughter grows up is permanent. It can be a developmental circle, a karate section or ballroom dancing classes — in a word, any activity where children have been united by common interests for a long time.

Set a personal example

When a child sees that mom and dad have friends and often communicate with them in a comfortable environment, he adopts this behavioral model. The baby will begin to believe in friendship and will try to create a similar, warm social circle.

Boost your self-esteem

Children’s self-esteem is very sensitive, so it is important for the child to constantly be reminded that he is interesting, funny and very brave. The healthier the child’s self-esteem, the easier it is for him to establish interaction with peers, since the fear of seeming ridiculous or boring disappears.

Share experiences

It is very important for moms and dads to talk heart to heart with the child. Openness in dialogues will let you know why the son or daughter really does not want to get close to other children. Sometimes there are misunderstandings that stop the desire of children to communicate with each other. For example, classmates took a car from a child to play with and did not return it, which made him upset and confused.

Accept your child the way they are.

If the child is not distinguished by activity and leadership qualities, you should not force him to play the Cossack robbers and become the main ringleader. Give him the right to remain himself, without imposing games and the company of «that cute boy over there on the next bench.»

Parents should know that children’s communication skills develop gradually. You should not put pressure on the baby and “cheer up” him with the phrases “Stop sitting, go play with the children” or “You are not friends because of your bad behavior.” Cultivate self-love in your children, give them support, and always take into account the peculiarities of their character.


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