It’s no secret to any parent that complaining and whining from your own child is one of the most unnerving things in the world. Yes, we love our children and are ready to accept any of them. But what if the child is constantly indignant, making sounds worse than snoring or scratching nails on glass?
What is the reason?
Moms and dads sometimes think that the child whines as if out of spite. However, this is not so, children’s complaints are caused by quite understandable reasons. Therefore, parents should not shout “Stop whining!”, But try to figure out what exactly the son or daughter wants to achieve.
one. The child needs help. When kids get tired, they need adult help. Most often this happens due to hunger, thirst, fatigue, unplanned change in regimen, drowsiness, heavy workload. Whining in these cases is the most effective way for a child to get what they want. Even scientists have proven that it is not tears or a neutral tone of voice that stimulate people to take action, but the very whining, hysterical tone.
2. The child needs enough attention. When a child needs emotional intimacy, he also begins to complain. It has been proven that emotional contact is one of the most important energy resources for a child, allowing him to develop, form emotional intelligence and feel inner comfort. Therefore, sometimes children, with their whining, can give a signal that they want to spend a little more time with an adult (read a book, mold a kangaroo from plasticine, play pirates). Please note that the need for emotional closeness in non-speaking babies is expressed in the fact that they stretch their hands to a person, try to touch him, move closer.
3. The child tries to express his feelings. According to research, whining and complaining is the most effective way for a child to express their negative emotions, experiences, sensations. Therefore, it is very important not to suppress children’s whining (no matter how terrible the sound it may be accompanied by), but to try to treat discontent kindly, with understanding and support. After all, adults themselves often complain when they feel sad, frustrated, and angry.
four. The child is naturally sensitive. Highly sensitive babies, children with a special temperament, according to statistics, complain and whine more often than others. Scientists themselves divide children into light and flexible, active and quick-tempered, slow and cautious. The second and third categories of children are most at risk of «whining»: due to the characteristics of the nervous system, they are more emotionally responsive to various stimuli. Where a flexible child will not pay attention, a highly sensitive child will focus to a victorious one in order to get rid of discomfort.
5. The child responds to the stimulus. Behaviorists have found that people tend to repeat behavior when it is reinforced by a stimulus. What it means: if you buy a whining child a chocolate bar every time so that he doesn’t complain anymore, then the next time he will certainly whine even longer in order to again receive the already beloved reward.
What to do with a whining baby?
It turns out that you can survive children’s complaints and whining quite successfully. The main thing is to regularly follow the recommendations of psychologists so as not to aggravate the situation.
— When a child whines, not every parent is able to pull himself together. Try to “move away” from the situation and analyze your stress level, psycho-emotional state. Think about whether you spend enough time with your children and what might cause complaints (are they bored, sad, hurt, cold, hot?)
Remind yourself often that a child’s whining is temporary. Even if the child is highly sensitive, this is just one of the most understandable and accessible ways for him to show how he feels. The most correct line of conduct in this case is kindness, complete acceptance, support, affection.
— If you can’t bear to listen to the child whine, take a few full deep breaths and exhalations, get distracted, switch your attention. Remember that you have every right to experience irritation, anger, disappointment, as well as a child. Only you know how to control your emotions, but he still does not. Help him with this!
— Remember that many children have a natural predisposition to anxiety, susceptibility, irascibility. These children take longer to adjust to new circumstances or experiences, which is why they whine more often than others.
— Be consistent. Do not drown out whining with new toys or sweets, do not try to negotiate with the child “the last cartoon for today”: no means no. If you want to give a gift, do it spontaneously in order to evoke sincere emotions in the child, and not to form in him the very incentive “I nod and immediately get a toy”.
Dealing with childish whining is no easy task. However, it is this skill that will allow moms and dads to form a healthy, reliable attachment with their children. The main thing is to take into account the fact that whining will definitely not last forever. Complaining is just a child’s reaction to the surrounding reality, and accepting whining (but not indulging it!) Perfectly develops children’s emotional intelligence.